File Description: The Borg vs. Microsoft Windows
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Written by unknown person
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[Picard] "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding
         a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access 
         their command pathways?"

[Geordi] "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our
         archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

[Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.]

[Riker looks puzzled.] "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"

[Data turns to answer.] "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for
          some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways.
          Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system
          resources at an unstoppable rate." 

[Picard] "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
         processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

[Data] "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new
        version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources 
        increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be 
        able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing 
        ability will be taken over and none will be available
        for their normal operational functions."

[Picard] "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric
         shape' idea." 

...15 Minutes Later...

[Data] "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the command
        unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We 
        however have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."

[Geordi] "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU
          capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 
          'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."

[Picard] "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is
          something we have missed." 

[Data] "Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'.
        Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not 
        sending in their registration cards.

[Riker] "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency
        escape sequence 3F..." 

[Geordi, excited] "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has
                  suddenly dropped to 0%!"

[Picard] "Data, what does your scanners show?"

[Data] "Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named
       'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."

[Picard] "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their
         functionality." 

...Two Hours Pass...

[Riker] "Geordi whats the status on the Borg?"

[Geordi] "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for
         increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully 
         increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor
         beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 
         'Microsoft fun-pack'.

[Picard] "How much time will that buy us?"

[Data] "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time
       span of 6 more hours." 

[Geordi] "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."

[Picard] "Identify."

[Data] "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"

[Over the speakers] "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP
MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS
SECTOR. SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. 
YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"

[Data] "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
thousands of humanoid shaped objects."

[Picard] "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"

[Riker] "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg
        ship with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of 
        deep space ?!"

[Data] "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer I
       believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by 
       twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and 
       wearing Armani suits."

[Riker and Picard together horrified] "Lawyers !!" 

[Geordi] "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into
         the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."

[Data] "True, but appearently some must have survived."

[Riker] "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types
        of papers."

[Data] "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as 'red tape' it often
       proves fatal."

[Riker] "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"

[Picard] "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg
         deserve that."

END

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